Excuse My Muse

As I was reading some news online this morning I came across an article, apparently some Catholics in New Zealand are in an uproar about an episode of South Park entitled "Bloddy Mary."

Now, as anyone who is a fan of South Park, or not, knows that the shows popularity comes from the fact that it is a crude, rude, saterical, low-blow type of humor that is used to make the writers point's of view known. And, for those of us who don't think their topics of satire are offending, it's awfully damn funny!

Ok, so these Catholics from NZ are in an uproar because of the content of this particular episode and their Bishops are urging their parishioners to boycott the show, the channel and their sponsers.

My question is: Why are these Catholics watching South Park in the first place??

I'm not Catholic, but my first guess would be that if you were a good Catholic you wouldn't be watching such an ugly and tasteless show in the first place. Am I wrong? Wouldn't that be going against some sort of moral fiber that's been instilled in you by the Church?

It's quite simple really. If you don't like a show, don't watch it. No one's holding a gun to your head. The creators of South Park don't care if you turn the channel, they'd probaby prefer that you did. Why get all up-in-arms about a half hour cartoon? There must be something that holds much more meaning, of more substance out there for you to get your knickers in a knot about....no?

I'm gonna pray. I'm gonna pray for those people who can find nothing else of more importance to get upset about. I'm going to pray that those people dig deeper to find a worthy cause to fuss about, to make a difference about. Because, let's face it, the creators of South Park are soaking up this amo for a future episode.

Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. This was submitted by a guy who purchased his lovely wife a "pocket Taser" for their anniversary.

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 22nd anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Toni. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the taser were suppose to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety.... WAY TOO COOL!

Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two triple-a batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arch of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. Awesome!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Toni what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-a batteries,. right?!!!

There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, taser in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.

All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-a batteries) thinking to myself, "no possible way!"

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best.....

I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as to say, "don't do it master," reasoning that a one-second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad.. I decided to give myself a one-second burst just for the heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and HOLY MOTHER, WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION@!@$$!%!@*!!!

I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs. The cat was standing over me making meowing sounds I had never heard before, licking my face, undoubtedly thinking to herself, "do it again, do it again!"

Note: If you ever feel compelled to "mug" yourself with a taser, one note of caution: there is no such thing as a one-second burst when you zap yourself. You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three second burst would be considered conservative.

SON-OF-A-.. that hurt like hell!!! A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. How did they up get there??? My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I'm still looking for my testicles? I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return.



Still in shock,
Tommy

Now, to catch those of you who know me, up.

As some of you know our basement flooded in June. It was a total mess and we lost alot. Our insurance company was wonderful, the contractors tried to be wonderful, replaced all our lost content with brand spanking new stuff and the basement renovations are done! Never want to go though that again!

In November came some shocking news, quite an overwhelming event...I'm pregnant! After all these years we're going to have a newborn in the house again, I'm due in July. A 14.9 year age gap between our children...should be interesting? In just a year or so we will have not only a teenager but a toddler too....can you see my hair turning gray from there?

Hubs, dd, and the whole family and friends clan is very happy and excited for us...as are we. It should be quite the adventure!

Family is good, Health is good, Life is good...

Hello tbloggers old and new!

I thought I'd swing by 'ol tblog land this morning and I'm so glad I did  Wow, someone finally improved these old stomping grounds.

Can't wait to jump right in and start blogging again, looking up old tfriends and making some new ones!

Now, to figure out all these new features and what-not...